Conflict: It's a Choice

Conflict is a state of mind. There is a difference between being in conflict and simply not having an agreement on matters. Disagreements can be acknowledged, respected, perhaps negotiated if they need to be.

Conflict is the state of mind and emotion where you can't do any of those things. Where you dig in your heels and decide you have to be right. Because that's exactly what you're getting from the other side.

Kind of like mountain goats... Imagine spring time when the frisky boy mountain goats like to butt heads and compete to see who can butt heads the most. To see who is going to back down first. If nobody backs down, they will keep butting heads until someone dies.

Now imagine that one wants to butt heads and the other just wants to graze on some grass. If the one who wants to graze just chooses to graze and turns away, then there isn't much of a conflict, is there?

We all have a choice about how to address a disagreement - we can let it go or we can butt heads.

Dealing with a disagreement means asking the right questions, getting clear on why the other person feels the way they do, and then looking for common ground.

But it also means recognizing whether there is a fight brewing that is even worth it. If it isn't, go graze some grass and enjoy life for a bit longer.

Rather than ratcheting up the conflict.

If it's a fight worth fighting, then get clear on what you hope to get out of that battle. What happens if you win? What happens if you lose? What is that battle going to cost you? Not just in money, but in time and energy that you can never get back. In the stress and emotion that will rule your life during the entire course of the conflict.

Because the best outcomes aren't always the ones you win on paper. They're the ones that give you the freedom to move forward. And graze the grass if you want.